by Ali Sediqe
Intro: Ryaan Bhuiyan has been the topic of mass controversy recently. I decided to interview him to see what his thoughts were.
Ali: What are your thoughts on how the fall festival went?
Ryaan: Well, I don’t know, it’s gotten less fun over the years, I don’t know if its because I’ve gotten older or because they’ve gotten rid of mini-golf.
Ali: Is it true that you are going to publish an article talking about the fall festival and how it went more in depth?
Ryaan: No, it is not true.
Ali: Anything else to say about this?
Ali: What are your opinions on the new iPhone?
Ryaan: Why does the max cost $1,100?
Ali: I don’t know, I’m asking you the questions.
Ryaan: I’m an android user so I really don’t care.
Ali: Do you own Galaxy Buds?
Ryaan: No, I’m broke.
Ali: Back to the iPhones and Fall Festivals, do you think there was any correlation between how the Fall Festival went and the new iPhones coming out?
Ryaan: Yes, there was a clear correlation. You see, at the time the iPhone 6 came out, the Fall Festival was at max fun, but when the 7 and future iPhones came out (which were all worse then than the 6), it got worse. Don’t get me wrong, the Fall Festival is still good, it just hasn’t lived up to its past greatness.
Ali: Did you hear about how the Galaxy Buds have been reported as very uncomfortable?
Ryaan: No, they’re not uncomfortable.
Ali: How would you know, you don’t own them, you’re broke as you previously said.
Ryaan: I just guessed, I don’t really know.
Ali: Do you think people being uncomfortable wearing Galaxy Buds had a correlation to the Fall Festival?
Ryaan: No, everyone here wears Airpods or fake ones. Don’t insult my ONN wireless headphones. I got these bad boys at Office Depot for $9.88 (including tax).
(These are the ONN wireless headphones Ryaan owns)
After this, Ryaan stormed out blaring the Moana soundtrack on is ONN wireless headphones, but the sound quality was so bad, I could hear it through the broken wires. He told us he was going to cry in his room while eating Otter Pops and playing Just Dance 2013 on his used Wii with a broken nunchuck.
by Nash Malczewski
Nash: How are you, Ryaan?
Ryaan: I’m doing great, thanks for asking.
Nash: Are you ready for Halloween?
Ryaan: Thanks for reminding me about it. It’s probably too late to get a costume, but I’ll try anyway. I’m always ready for Halloween though. What are you being?
Nash: I’m gonna ignore your question. What do you think is the most difficult class?
Ryaan: History with Mr. Bobak isn’t hard, but there is quite a bit of homework. So far, my lowest grade is in English, but I don’t think it’s the hardest class. I think that all of them have their separate aspects that make them challenging in their own ways. Why am I being interviewed?
Nash: I’ll be asking the questions here. What’s your opinion on the current political climate?
Ryaan: I’m not gonna answer that, because I don’t think I’m allowed to.
Nash: I heard that you don’t like answering personal questions about yourself. Is that true?
Nash: What is your favorite videogame?
Ryaan: My favorite video game has to be a toss-up between Diego’s Great Dinosaur Adventure for the DS, or Just Dance 2013. In all seriousness though, I really like Breath of the Wild, Pokémon Black and White 2, and Mario Kart DS.
Nash: If you had 3 wishes, what would they be?
Ryaan: I want 17 more wishes.
I want a subscription to Hulu without ads. Maybe Spotify Premium
I want to delete the number of wishes I get by an amount of 12.
I want Mr. Feuerstein to admit that I am in fact the Student Chief/King of MAKWA.
I wish that I used my phone less.
I wish that there was world peace, and climate change was gone too. That would be nice.
Nash: How do you feel about the current year for BearPause?
Ryaan: I think it’s going pretty good. This is my first year for BearPause, and my articles so far have been pretty good. I actually have 3 this month, this one, my (joke) interview with Ali, and a review. I think that we should have more articles though.